Making Friends as an Adult
You don't have to reinvent the wheel when it comes to making friends. It's as simple as looking through your contacts list. If you did last week's self-inventory of what kind of friend you are, you can probably start to look at a pattern on the kind of friend you've been, and maybe found out you could step up your game or perhaps you've been giving too much of your self. All of these discoveries help you become self-aware, emotional intelligent, and it could be the beginning or a great reminder to start setting your limits and create better boundaries. Armed with this knowledge you can look at your contact list objectively and start evaluating whether you keep your friends because they are actually friends (based on last weeks responses) or if you keep them around for another reason.
Whatever your reasons are for keeping your friends around, trust yourself in that you'll know when to speak with them about any pressing issue, break up with them or shelve them until you know what to do with them. The key phrase here is "trust yourself". This is the first point in this mini-blog post.
"Trusting yourself" means that you'll know yourself enough so that you'll be ok having tough conversations with your friends. You'll also find that you might be the person in the relationship that needs to initiate an apology. This takes guts but it also takes knowing yourself, what you want and what you're willing to put up with in this and all relationships.
Second point I want to make is that you may have all the friends you need or want in your contacts list but because we live very busy lives you don't dedicate enough time in your schedule to see or call them. This goes back to time management and planning the things you want to accomplish this month or this week. Many of my new friends laugh that I plan so far ahead but when they become busy they realize that I wasn't crazy at all with my advance planning! Scheduling in advance means that you value your time and theirs.
Please note, there have been many times that I've had to reschedule my social hours and this is a true test in our definitions of friendship (mine and theirs). For me, it'll always loop back to self-inventory of our definitions of what it means to be a good friend but also how understanding we are or willing to be when life hits either you or them with a curve bal. Will you be cool under life's pressures and stay flexible or stay rigid with the possibility of snapping? Will you stay honest and respect your limitations and boundaries? Cross that bridge when you get there but keep in mind: flexibility is crucial and planning is essential so you can reconnect and stay connected with your friends so plan accordingly and flexibly!
Lastly, adding friends to your pie chart of life adds spice and variety to it! Visiting with friends adds value to mine each and every time! We exchange opinions, point of views and share laughs together. Sometimes, visits didn't go as expected but it's ok, you can just keep trying. You deserve to have the friends slice in your pie chart of life, too! So get to it and start going through your lists!
Behavior Analyst and Personal Life Coach. Changing behavior one step at a time. Keeping things simple because it's easier that way.